On Re-Reading: A List

I feel like I've shared this story here before, but I can't remember in what post, so just bear with me while I share it again.

My 9th Grade Honors World Geography teacher was a brilliant man, a great teacher, and generally some one I really looked up to, but I'll never forget the day in class when we somehow got on the topic of reading. I think one of the students in class mentioned how many times they'd re-read a certain book they loved, and my teacher looked genuinely surprised. He asked the class at large, "How many of you re-read books?" and I'll never forget the look of shock on his face when the majority of students in the class raised their hands (including yours truly). He said that he was not in the habit of re-reading books, and it was pretty clear from his tone that he sort of thought re-reading books was a waste of time. We were a bright class (it was an honors course after all), and he admitted he was very surprised that we, as smart students, would choose to waste our time reading books we'd already read when there were so many left to be explored.

With all due respect to my former geography teacher, I disagreed with his opinion then, and I still adamantly disagree.

It's not that I don't understand the sentiment. I mean, really, there are so many books in the world, and only one life to get through them all. My TBR list has always been longer than my read list, and continues to grow at a much faster rate (it's much easier to add book titles to a list than to actually read all those books). I could spend the rest of my life just reading all the books published up to this point, but every year thousands and thousands of new books are written and published and my TBR list will continually be growing until the end of time. With so many new shiny books, who's got time to re-read old ones?

But here's the thing. There's a difference between reading a book the first time, and reading it the twenty-seventh time. Some books are meant to be consumed once, the story keeping you guessing and thrilling until the last page when all is revealed and the suspense is over. You wouldn't gain much from re-reading those stories because, well, the point in reading it in the first place was to find out how it ended. Now that you know, there's no reason to re-read it. But other books beg to be re-read. Yes, those books have endings too, but knowing the ending of them doesn't mean you know everything about the book. With some books, there is so much in the middle, so much in the layers, so much to forget and be reminded of, so much hidden, that you could re-read those books for a thousand years, memorize every word of them, and still find something new every time you read it.

Those are the books I love the most.

I found myself doing quite a bit of re-reading last year, and it got me thinking, is this the best use of my reading time? Shouldn't I spend more time reading all the hundreds of other books I haven't read yet? Why am I circling back to these old tried and true favorites?

And, well, the answer is different for each one, but often it's because there's something about the book that stays fresh. Every time I read it, I find something new, or feel something different, or (almost even more rare), feel the exact same emotion just as powerfully as the first time through. It amazes me how every time I read Pride and Prejudice I can alternately despise Lizzy for her blindness or find her the most delightful heroine ever written. Every reading of Harry Potter seems to bring that same sense of magic, of getting to know that world a little deeper, of finding new details I somehow missed before.

I read a quote somewhere recently (maybe on Instagram, maybe somewhere else) that said a classic is just a book that hasn't finished telling it's story yet. To me, that means a classic is a book you can read over and over and over again.

So I've decided, no more apologizing for re-reading. No more guilt. So what if my to-read list is arcing to the moon and back, sometimes what I really want is to know I'm going to love the book I'm reading, not just hope I will based on reviews or plot summary or guesses. And if I've already read it, I already know I'll love it.

Below is a list of my top five infinitely re-readable books. At least, these are books that I have actually re-read because I love them so much.

1. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. Well, to be fair, I think everyone of her books is infinitely re-readable. For the past two autumns I've revisited most of her major works, and I've found that to be a delightful tradition that I think I will carry on annually.

2. Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery. Again, I think many of Montgomery's books are infinitely re-readable (I can't wait to revisit the Emily of New Moon series) but if I had to pick one...

3. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte. You know, this is one that is epic the first time you read it (especially if the story hasn't been ruined for you beforehand), but somehow manages to be fantastic on every re-read. Even when you already know how things are going to turn out!

4. Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling. All of them. How do you pick just one?

5. Crossing to Safety by Wallace Stegner. This one is due for another re-read really soon (if only I could get the audio version of it through my library!). It's just beautiful.

I feel like this list really pegs me as kind of a stereotypical reader. Jane Austen? Charlotte Bronte? Could I be more cliche? Oh well, I like what I like.

Now, this isn't necessarily the definitive list of my favorite books (I've never re-read some of my favorite books, and I've re-read a lot of books I would not consider favorites). And actually, there are other books that I might consider to be "infinitely re-readable" but I haven't happened to re-read them yet (but when I do, I will add them to the list). Also, this list doesn't include any nonfiction, because I re-read nonfiction books for different reasons (that may be a list for another post). But if I ever happen to be stranded on a desert isle and can only bring a handful of books with me, the above list would not be a bad lot to get stuck with.

What's on your list of really good re-readable books?

Top 10 Books of 2017

This was a banner reading year for me. My goal was to read 52 books (a book a week), and in the end Goodreads tells me I've read 67 books. That is the most in my recorded history, and I'm exceptionally proud of that number considering we had some extremely stressful and crazy times this year (including the month we moved, where I managed to read one measly book, so clearly I made up my numbers elsewhere, which makes that number even more impressive).

Anyway, we've now come to the end of 2017, and it's time for one of my favorite posts of the year! Actually, this is also one of the hardest posts of the year. Like I said last year, choosing my top 10 reads feels so arbitrary. Some are super obvious and fully deserve to be on this list, but others got on here just by whim. If I wrote this list last week or next week, it would look different. There were sooo many favorites, so many good reads this year, and it's super hard to whittle down just the top 10. Other books I read may actually stick with me longer or deserve to be one here, but at this moment, this is what my top 10 list looks like.

Just a note, I'm not including any of my re-reads from the year. Otherwise, this list would be entirely dominated by Jane Austen (as I re-read her entire oeuvre in the last quarter) and L.M. Montgomery (as I finished up my re-read of the Anne series earlier this year).

Okay, here we go:

A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles

Oh, how I loved this one! The writing was just amazingly beautiful, the characters so pointedly drawn, the humor just so exactly my type. I want to re-read this again some day to savor it slowly. Just beautiful.

My Lady Jane by Cynthia Hand, Brodi Ashton, and Jodi Meadows

The surprise hit of the year! I had zero expectations for this book, and spent the first half very unsure if I could handle this sort of historical playfulness, but in the end, it won me over completely! It was so funny, so ridiculous, so sweet and romantic, so imaginative, and just so, so much fun. Can't wait to read the next one they write.

To The Bright Edge of the World by Eowyn Ivey

New favorite author of the year (and new favorite author name as well). This book is perhaps not quite as memorable as The Snow Child (see below), but I related to the main female character in this one quite a bit, and it has some spectacular writing and really beautiful moments, and if I were to re-read any of Ivey's books, this is the one I'd want to re-read first.

The Snow Child by Eowyn Ivey

This. This is what I want my magical realism to be. This book was beautiful and magical and wonderful in every way. Read it in the winter.

Textbook Amy Krouse Rosenthal by Amy Krouse Rosenthal

I don't have enough words to express how deeply happy this book made me, but also how deeply sad. I defy anyone who reads this book not to fall in love with Amy, and then not to cry bitter tears with the knowledge that she died too young.

The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas

I have such a hard time recommending this one, because the language is really hard to handle. But it's been a long time since I've read a YA book that's stuck with me the way this one has. There was so much to think about here, so many ways this book changed my perspective or made me think about questions of race in ways I hadn't before. I used to live in South Side Chicago, and the descriptions of Garden Heights felt very similar to the areas around where we lived (although my specific neighborhood was rather more white). It was just interesting to hear this kind of voice, which does not get represented in literature enough.

My Brilliant Friend by Elena Ferrante

I have to admit that I'd kind of forgotten about this book until I was going back through my Goodreads archives to make this list. But once I started thinking about it, and thinking about the incredible writing, and the intricate descriptions of poverty, and friendship, and relationships, I couldn't not put this one on the list.

Beartown by Fredrik Backman

Again, the language and content make me hesitant to recommend this one, but again, the writing and the impact this one made on me make it too important to not include on the list. It was just so, so, so good. Backman is an incredible writer.

The Boys in the Boat by Daniel James Brown

Probably the best non-fiction I read this year. It was a fabulous story, and I was amazed at Brown's ability to make me feel the drama and suspense of these races (that I knew the outcome to!) so much that I was sitting on the edge of my seat biting my fingernails through the whole read.

Deep Work by Cal Newport

I went back and forth on whether to include this one or one of the many other ones that deserve a spot on this list. I'm not actually sure if this one will stick with me the way the other books on this list have. I only just finished it two days ago (I'll talk more about it on my December reading-wrap-up), and maybe I'm only inclined to include it because it's fresh and on my mind. But whatever. It was fascinating and I really liked a lot of what he talked about, and there's not enough non-fiction on this list anyway, so it gets a spot.




Some reflections on this reading year in general: I read some amazing books this year. It was one of my best reading years ever, and I'm very happy about that. I read the most books I've ever read in a year (something I'm still thinking about and will probably write a post about soon). There was more literary reading and classic reading and re-reading of favorites, and that was fun for me. That being said, I feel like there were some holes. I didn't read nearly as much YA or middle grade fiction as I usually like to, or even as much nonfiction as I usually like to. I'm kicking around the idea of making some more intentional reading goals for next year, but I've yet to decide if I'm in a place to make that work. I'll let you know what I decide when I post about my resolutions.

Anyway, how was your reading year?

Book Review: Peter Pan

Peter Pan by J. M. Barrie

I'm assuming you don't need a summary of this one, right? If you haven't seen one movie version of this, you've probably seen another. Or a spin-off movie, like Hook or Finding Neverland (both of which, I would argue, are better Peter Pan adaptations than any movie of the original story).

But how many of you have actually read the original book?

If there is a single message I want to convey in this book review, it is this: no movie or other adaptation has done this book justice. The original is delightful, magical, insightful, and beautiful in a way that I was completely unprepared for, despite the fact I've seen nearly every movie version.

In short, it is SO GOOD.

Book Review: Go Set a Watchman

When Harper Lee's new novel Go Set a Watchman was released on July 14th, I looked at it longingly on the display at the grocery store.

I keep myself to a pretty strict book-buying policy: I don't buy any books unless I've already read them, know I love them, and know they are worth owning (and worth re-reading). Usually this policy works really well for me. My bank account appreciates it, my bookshelves appreciate it, and my library gets very faithful patronage from me. But every now and then, like when a popular new release comes out, I reconsider this policy. Nothing has tempted me so badly as Go Set a Watchman to break tradition and buy a book I hadn't read. I was #107 on the wait list at my library. I suspected I would like it. And I wanted to be cool like everybody else and read it NOW.

However, I exercised restraint, told myself to wait it out, and lo and behold, my library came through for me! I don't know if a bunch of people dropped their holds after hearing the spoilers, or if my library system decided to invest in a few more copies, but I got the email notifying me the book was in just a month after the release date. Then I devoured the book in two days.

So, am I glad I waited?

In all honesty, I would not have considered it a waste of money had I purchased this book. And while I don't *love* it enough to go out and buy it right now, should I ever happen across a copy I would be more than pleased to find a home for it on my shelves.

In other words, I completely recommend this book. Like I said, you don't need to buy it, but it is very, very well worth the reading experience.

I know there have been a ton of mixed reviews, and a lot of people saying they didn't like it, or don't want to read it at all because of the spoilers about Atticus' fall from grace. Look, I know plenty has already been written about this book elsewhere, but let me throw my two cents in the ring and see if I can convince you to pick up the book yourself (assuming you haven't already).

First off, the caveats. This is an unedited manuscript, and that shows through. It was not as polished as most published books, and certainly not as polished as To Kill A Mokingbird. There were awkward transitions and areas of excess where I'm sure a skilled editor would have encouraged cuts and revisions. It wasn't perfect.

That being said, it was still very powerful. The saddest part about reading this book was realizing that while some of the specific issues are no longer current (thankfully no one is spouting trash about the genetic inferiority of black people these days), most of the big ideas and problems these characters grappled with are still being fought out today. It almost felt like the Civil Rights movement happened, yet here we are sixty years later and these same problems are just as relevant. That was depressing to realize.

But I must say that I loved the way Harper Lee grappled with these issues of race, and other problems like losing your child-like faith in the goodness of other human beings (especially your father), in such a beautifully raw, powerful, and unique way. I would love to read this book again just to think through the way she presented certain ideas, and then turned them upside down.

For instance (*spoilers ahead* read at your own risk), Scout clearly seems to hold the moral high ground with her staunch position in favor of race equality, but in the very last scene her uncle calls her a bigot, because she is intolerant of the views her father holds. She doesn't want her father, or anyone, to hold those beliefs, so in a way, that does make her intolerant. Atticus is actually set up as the more tolerant figure because he allows all people to express their opinions without judgment, even opinions he may or may not personally agree with. I thought that was a super interesting turn, and really made me question and think about what tolerance is. Tolerance is always touted as a virtue, but is it truly a virtue to tolerate the immoral positions and speech of others? Harper Lee would seem to be saying so.

There were many more complex issues like this that Lee addressed, and that deserve closer consideration and unpacking. There were layers to all her arguments, and I actually liked how she tried to be sympathetic to all sides. I'd like to think that if I had lived in the South during this era, I would've been a Scout, with the strong conviction in the equality of all people, but after reading this book, I realized that so often we are steeped in a cultural tradition and history where we grasp at justifications, and can't see our own faults. I probably would've been one of the silly girls at the party, spouting the language of the men around me. Scout asks herself over and over again how she grew up in such a place and completely missed out on the message everyone else seemed so indoctrinated with, and that is a question I assume Lee asked herself. Through the uncle and the speech of Atticus, Lee outlined the history and position and of the Southern White Man, the tradition he came out of, and the convoluted justification for segregation. While Lee still firmly condemned this position, she also allowed room for compassion, and I was fascinated by that sympathy.

Let's get to the elephant in the room. Yes, Atticus turns out to be a racist segregationist. This is heart-breaking for both Scout and the reader. Some of his language is truly shocking and disappointing. I can see how this would ruin the reading experience for some, especially those who really love the TKAM Atticus. I know some people choose to read these as two completely separate novels, where one story doesn't have to touch the other story, and that's fine. There are enough differences that you can think of the two Atticuses as completely separate people and it would work.

However, I personally found that this turn made Atticus a more real and believable character. Yes, it knocked him off the pedestal, yes it was devastating, but it was also humanizing. It's hard to explain, but it made him harder to love and easier to love at the same time. It was complex, but I found it to be a net positive complex, not a net negative. It didn't ruin it for me.

I do not guarantee that everyone will love this book, but I do think the ideas and the issues are explored in a complex and nuanced way, and I think it is worth reading about them just to consider them. Besides the complexity, there are also many moments of fun and humor. There are flashbacks to different parts of Scout's childhood (she is called Jean Louise in the book, but I have a hard time thinking of her as anything but Scout), and those vignettes are hilarious and memorable (and very likely the reason Lee's editor suggested she rewrite the book from the point of view of that childhood Scout). Scout herself is still one of the best female protagonists in print today. She is fiery and fantastic. There is much to love in this book.

It may not be the best or most polished book I've ever read, but I think this one will stay with me for a while. I also think I will want to revisit it at some point and think through these ideas again. It is well worth the read. I recommend 100%.

Books I Read in July

You guys, I rocked the pleasure reading in July. Seven books (obviously, not all pictured above, because I had to return half of them to the library before I remembered to grab a pic)! Not a personal record, but it might be a record since becoming a mom. If judged only by my reading list, this summer is turning out to be pretty spectacular. I read some really fun ones this month too.

In order, here goes:

Better than Before by Gretchen Rubin

I love Gretchen Rubin's books, I've followed her blog for years now, and I love her new-ish podcast. Because she talks about so many of her ideas on her blog and in the podcast, I wasn't sure that her new book would offer any new material that I hadn't heard before, but my friend Amy's effusive praise of the book convinced me that I couldn't pass it up. And yes, it was actually super helpful to read all of these ideas about habits and personality all in one place. Actually, this book helped me analyze my husband and help him make some habit changes more than myself (but I'm an upholder, and he's an obliger, so that makes sense). Also, this book confirmed that while I love Gretchen's writing, she would probably be a super intense and intimidating person to know in real life.

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

Okay, let me begin by just saying that I liked this book. I really did. It's beautifully written. I have no argument with that. However, I don't quite get the hype. I don't think it's that much better than every other powerful and gut-punching World War Two novel written before. My sister and I were discussing why she like this one so much better than The Book Thief, and she said she appreciated how it was much less sentimental and manipulative. Maybe I'm an overly sentimental fool, but I had a hard time caring about these characters, whereas I sobbed my eyes out in The Book Thief. To each their own.

Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel

Ahh! More apocalyptic fiction that left me wondering how I'd ever survive without the internet! Also, this book really made me want to move to a farm and live a completely self-sufficient life, learn how to hunt, and stock up on solar panels. I would describe this book as a more humanistic The Road. The concept of a travelling orchestra and theater troupe, whose motto is "Because Survival is Insufficient," really added a layer of hope and beauty to a genre that is otherwise bleak and depressing. I also enjoyed the layered way this story was told with flashbacks, and how the characters' lives intersected.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

You guys, British humor is just the best. Period. I really should've read this one in high school, and I'm not sure why it took me so long to get around to this, but I'm glad I did. I immediately purchased this for my dad as soon as I finished reading it because, the man loves Monty Python and all things science fiction. I don't know if there is a more perfect book for him.

Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv

I'll admit it took me a few months to get through this one, and I did a lot of skimming. In my opinion, this book could've been edited by half and still communicated it's message. That being said, I still found Louv's message about the importance of nature and natural experiences during childhood to be fascinating and critical. I completely agree with his argument that many childhood problems (behavior issues, ADHD, etc.) could be solved or at least helped by more experience with nature. I especially appreciated his delicate discussion on the paradox of protecting the environment while still allowing children to interact with it (build forts, go fishing, etc.). This book gave me a lot to think about how I want my own children to grow up with nature, something we have to be a little more intentional about in our city apartment.

Tiger's Curse by Colleen Houck

I don't think I ever would've picked this one up if my book club hadn't chosen it for our next read. The book itself was fine, this just really isn't my genre. It's definitely got a Twilight feel (love triangle in a supernatural setting, only it's Indian were-tigers instead of vampires and werewolves), which is fine if you like that sort of thing, but it kind of makes me feel like my brain is atrophying. The Indian mythology was interesting, but there was way too much drama. Not for me.

Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

Technically I finished this one on August 1st, but I read the bulk of it in July, so I'm counting it. I started by reading this one out loud to my husband as we drove around Utah on our recent family reunion tour, but we both got really into the story and spent all of our non-driving hours trying to steal the book away from one another to finish it (he finished first, only because I got that rough 1:30 to 6:30 AM shift with the grumpy baby and spent the next morning napping while he read). So, I will say that while reading aloud I had to do a fair amount of slang editing and bleeping for the more sensitive ears in the car, but in general this was a super fun story. I needed my husband to explain most of the video game and 80's pop culture references (yes, he is the bigger nerd between the two of us), but I could still follow the story even in my ignorance. If you enjoy nerd culture (especially nerd culture of the 80s), or enjoy a good action-adventure puzzle story, I highly recommend this one.

Books I Read in May

May started off poorly for me (that whole first week and half looked like this, so pleasure reading was low on the list of priorities). But once school ended, I dived nose first into more books than I could handle at once. I think at one point I was in the middle of seven different books, which is a lot for me. I usually prefer to take it one book at a time, but with the luxury of summer upon me I couldn't help over-indulging. Unfortunately, even though school is over, I still have this little thing called being-a-mom-of-two-small-children that tends to suck up A TON of time, so only three of those books actually got finished. But they were three mighty enjoyable reads.

Peace Like a River by Leif Enger

This is one of those books that you just can't describe to people. I know, I tried describing it to my husband, but as I did so I just couldn't find the words: "It's about this family, and they drive a trailer across North Dakota..." Yeah. Without giving away spoilers, that about sums up the plot, and even I think that sounds lame. But no! This book is SO GOOD!!! This book is beautiful, and deep, and touched those places in my mind and heart that only the best books can touch. This is what good literature looks like. This is possibly even one worth owning. I can't praise this one enough. Absolutely recommend this one.

Dune by Frank Herbert

Back in middle school, my dad introduced me to Isaac Asimov, and from then on I was super hooked on science fiction. It just really tickles that nerdy side of me that wanted to minor in physics in college (I minored in French instead, which lead to a study abroad in Paris, so I don't regret that decision at all). Anyway, I'm a little bit flabbergasted about how I managed to miss out on this one back then, because it is a CLASSIC of science fiction. I mean, people allude to this book so much I was already well aware of spice, and worms, and mind-bending travel before I cracked the spine. So what did I think? It was good. It was epic. I'm glad I read it. I'm not sure I feel compelled to read the rest of the series, but I'm glad to have this one under belt, if just so I can allude to it intelligently myself when I converse with other sci-fi enthusiasts. Do I recommend it? Eh, only if you're really into sci-fi. Otherwise, don't bother. But it was definitely a fun world to get lost in for a bit.

Brown Girl Dreaming by Jacqueline Woodson

Oh, this one was beautiful. I LOVE this type of poetry novel (Out of the Dust was one of my favorites from my own adolescence), and I love even more the autobiographical nature of this one. Woodson's life story is poignant and powerful, and she is able to express such complex emotions in such a beautifully simple way. I loved hearing about her experience living through the Civil Rights movement, how the ideas and events of the time affected her young life. I used to fancy myself a poet, back in the angsty days of adolescence, and if I ever pick it up again, this is the type of poetry I'd hope to be able to write. Really readable, lyrical, succinct, but packing a punch. Good stuff.

Seven Books You Should Read

While I was reviewing my Goodreads stats for this year-in-review post, I had a fun time clicking back through some past years (2010-2013 to be exact) and reminiscing over my favorite reads from those years. And you know what? I've read some GOOD BOOKS. It kind of made me sad that I'd started this blog after reading all those books, and thus haven't had a chance to discuss them here. So then I thought, why not talk about them here? Why not share a few of my favorites from those pre-blog years? It took some hemming and hawing, and I finally whittled the list down to just seven (there could have been so many more), but here they are. Seven books I love and think you should read.

Tangent first. I kind of hate it when people ask me what my favorite book is. Every time someone asks me that, Drew Barrymore's line from Ever After comes floating through my head: "I could no sooner choose a favorite star in the heavens." Really, I have so many favorites. And favorites in every different genre and category. Also, my love for a book fluctuates over time. Sometimes I really love a book right after I've read, but then I tend to forget about it. Other times, I don't so much care for a book when I first read it, but it stays with me in a way I couldn't predict. These books below are perhaps not my favorite books of all time, but they are books that have stayed with me in one way or another, and so I want to share them here.

1. A Severe Mercy  by Sheldon Vanaukin
    Oh, people! If you want to read a beautiful book about marriage and Christianity and the hard parts of life, THIS IS THE BOOK! Honestly, I've been trying to get my husband to read this book for years, because I want to discuss it with him so badly. It's beautiful and amazing. The fact that it's a true autobiographical story just makes it that much more powerful. Also, if you love C.S. Lewis, this is a must read (the Vanaukins meet Lewis and become friends with him, then correspond with him when they leave England, and he figures heavily in the development of their faith and relationship). I just really, really, really wish they had chosen to have children, because I would've loved to see how that would have affected their relationship, and it was super interesting for me to read what Lewis advised on that topic. Warning: the end will leave you crying with gut-wrenching ugly sobs. But it is still so, so, so good.

2. Born to Run by Christopher McDougall
     I come from a family of runners. Every single one of my siblings ran track or cross-country in high school, every single one of them has run a marathon (more than once), and my husband fit right in with them when he joined the family with a marathon under his belt as well. I... do not run. In fact, I hate running with a passion. But this book! It almost quite nearly convinced me to start running. Whatever your feelings about running, if you enjoy fun, journalistic, creative non-fiction, this one is a fabulous read. Honestly, this is the book that got me interested in non-fiction as a genre. I'd really never read much non-fiction before (certainly not for pleasure), but after reading this I couldn't shut up about it and enthusiastically told everyone I knew about this book for a solid year (maybe longer). It's so much fun.

3. Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell
     Okay, I will freely admit that this book is not for everyone, but I have to say that this book BLEW MY MIND when I read it. Maybe you've heard about or seen the movie? I read this book long before the movie came out, and I'd been pestering my husband to read it too, but it wasn't until he saw the trailer that he became super intrigued and picked up the book himself. And guess what? It BLEW HIS MIND, just like I told him it would. I haven't actually seen the movie, because I already know there is just no way possible that any film could ever do this book justice, so there's no point. No point at all. Just stick to the book. It is literary fiction, and it is weird and innovative, and I advise you to proceed with caution, but if you have even the slightest stomach for literary fiction, this is a MUST READ! This book was my gateway drug, and I've read all of David Mitchell's other books (he came out with a new one last fall that I'm dying to get my hands on). He is completely brilliant-- in my opinion the most brilliant author alive today. I don't recommend all his books (he can get graphic), but this one is just so incredibly fun and amazing and innovative, and there just aren't even enough adjectives to describe it.

4. Crossing to Safety by Wallace Stegner
     This book! Oh, this book! I've only read two of his books, but Wallace Stegner might possibly be my favorite author of the twentieth century, and this is definitely my favorite of the two. This story follows the friendship of two couples from when they meet as young newlyweds through old age and death. It is semi-autobiographical, and I don't know how much about the other central couple is true or fiction, but the relationships in this book are beautiful and complicated and deep and so REAL. This book is a fabulous look at both marriage and friendship and life, and I love it for being so relatable. Their relationships have highs and lows, but in general these are happily married, happy people, and I can't tell you how much I loved seeing that portrayed in literary fiction. I read this book a few years into my marriage when we were still at the point of trying to figure out how to make "couple friends" which is honestly so much harder than making just one-on-one friends, and the friendship between the two couples in this book made me jealous. There is so much good stuff here.

5. Quiet by Susan Cain
     Introverts, unite! (or stay safely home and away from each other in solitary happiness). I am an introvert, but for most of my life I've felt guilty about that, like it was a flaw that needed fixing. I felt like I was failing at being a good human being because I struggled to talk to strangers, was uncomfortable in large social settings, and always preferred to stay home rather than go out on the weekends. Bless Susan Cain for this incredible book, because it literally changed my self view-point. This book allowed me to stop feeling guilty about my introverted tendencies, accept them, set boundaries, and appreciate my strengths. It was also a good read to help my husband understand me better, since he is far more extroverted and one of our most frustrating ongoing arguments involves the amount of social activity in our lives (never enough for him, a little too much for me). This is a seriously good read for anyone who likes to understand human nature better. If you want the condensed version, see her amazing TED talk here.

6. The Power of One by Bryce Courtenay
    I'd never heard about this book before stumbling across a free copy of the audio version, but after I'd listened to it I wondered why I'd never heard about it before. This is one of those books that left a really strong emotional impact on me, but in an uplifting positive kind of way. Really, this is quite a breathtaking story, and I learned so much about South Africa (fascinating, turbulent, troubled little country) and boxing (far more than I ever wanted to know), and boys at boarding schools (terrifying). This is a great story and inspiring read.

7. Guns, Germs, and Steel by Jared Diamond
    Okay, this one is more textbook and less pleasure read, but it is so incredibly brilliant and fascinating that I can't help recommend it to anyone who has the patience for it. This book outlines the most fascinating theory for the development of modern civilizations, and gives the best explanation for WHY some countries and societies developed to send men to the moon, while others still hunt for food with spears. It's fascinating, totally world-view changing, and really intellectually stimulating while still being enjoyable to read (no, really, it is enjoyable). Highly recommend.

Book Review: Daring Greatly

Daring Greatly by Brene Brown (I don't know how to get the accent over the last e in her name, and I'm too lazy to figure it out. Apologies.)

Summary (Courtesy of Goodreads): Researcher and thought leader Dr. Brené Brown offers a powerful new vision that encourages us to dare greatly: to embrace vulnerability and imperfection, to live wholeheartedly, and to courageously engage in our lives. Every day we experience the uncertainty, risks, and emotional exposure that define what it means to be vulnerable, or to dare greatly. Whether the arena is a new relationship, an important meeting, our creative process, or a difficult family conversation, we must find the courage to walk into vulnerability and engage with our whole hearts. In Daring Greatly, Dr. Brown challenges everything we think we know about vulnerability. Based on twelve years of research, she argues that vulnerability is not weakness, but rather our clearest path to courage, engagement, and meaningful connection. The book that Dr. Brown’s many fans have been waiting for, Daring Greatly will spark a new spirit of truth—and trust—in our organizations, families, schools, and communities.

This book came highly recommended to me by several very trusted sources but it took me a while to get around to it. And when I finally did pick it up, I wasn't sure I would personally get a lot out of this book. After all, Brown's big revelation that "vulnerability" is necessary to experience true connection and joy wasn't all that big of a revelation to me. Honestly, that was something I figured out the first time I fell in love (because I was the first one to say "I love you," and I experienced all sorts of vulnerable emotions that long week before he plucked up the courage to say it back to me).

And as far as the "shame" issues she discusses, I felt like I was beyond that too. Brown talks a lot about shame, and how when people feel shame (over body image, money, lifestyle, whatever it is) they will use coping techniques to hide their shame in an attempt to control how people perceive and connect with them. Of course, back in high school I experienced all sorts of insecurities and shame (who doesn't), and I definitely used to be a perfectionist (one of the unhealthy coping strategies she talks about). But somehow I managed to get over it. By and large, I feel like I more firmly belong in the category of "whole-hearted" peopled she described as coping well with shame, and I didn't think this book would offer me much.

But the more I read, the more I realized what a prideful assumption that was on my part. I may not feel the same types of shame as most other people in our society today, but I still feel shame about a lot of things, and I still have coping techniques that are not healthy. In some types of relationships, I am great at being open and honest and connected. But in other relationships, I feel nothing but disconnect. I feel vulnerable or uncertain, so I close up and shut down. Most of the time I attribute this to my introverted nature, but Brown helped me see how a lot of my relationship problems come from shame, and a lack of willingness to be vulnerable.

The chapter I found most insightful was how to be open to vulnerability as a parent in order to really connect with our children, and most importantly, never to use shame with our children. I've found myself thinking and reflecting about this constantly. Brown talks about how some parents use shame in an effort to control a child's choices, but that is never healthy or productive because it often leads to a child who feels fundamentally unworthy of love. Suddenly I wondered if my attempts to potty-train my toddler by pointing out all his friends who are potty-trained and telling him only babies wear diapers are communicating a sense of shame instead of motivation. I really want my children to feel comfortable with me, to feel like they can be open with me and tell me things without fear of shame or judgment from me, and that's one of the main reasons I will keep coming back to this book over and over again.

This book had some other great insights too, about feeling like we have "enough" in our lives instead of "never enough," and allowing ourselves to truly feel joy without any sort of caveat (this one was big for me, I am almost always suspicious of happy moments in life because I'm sure it means something terrible is going to happen soon). And even though I feel like I intuitively understood many of the lessons it took Brown twelve years of research to figure out, this book was still incredibly helpful for me in understanding the motivations and behaviors of others. It's heartbreaking to realize how many annoying or confusing or abrasive behaviors are motivated from a place of shame. If anything, this book has helped me have more compassion for other people, and greater courage in how I navigate relationships with other people.

In the end, I determined this book was one I needed to revisit and reread. This is a book for marking up and taking notes. It is one I needed to own (so my sister got it for me for my birthday), and like I said in my last post, that is the highest praise I can give a book.

Books I Read in September

You guys, I'm not pregnant anymore. You have no idea how much this fact fills me with glee. In the hospital, right after I pushed that baby out, they handed me the room service menu because I hadn't eaten anything since the day before (hate how they do that to pregnant women, cruel and unusual making you labor on an empty stomach). I ordered a cheeseburger with fries and the chocolate cake. And it tasted SO GOOD! For the first time in nine months, food tasted normal! I wanted to cry from happiness. I feel like myself again, hallelujah! Just had to share that.

On to the books I read in September. Yeah, yeah, I know October is 2/3rds of the way over, but I still need to report this. September was my best reading month in a long time. Apparently being on semi-bed rest gives you lots of time to read (cleaning, not so much).

Delicious! by Ruth Reichl

I have several food-themed books on my to-read list, and I must have gotten this one confused with another one because for some reason, I thought this book was a non-fiction memoir until about half-way through, when I realized there was no way this scenario could actually be real life. I felt a little silly after that (I mean, it says it's a "novel" on the cover, how did I miss that?) but it didn't change my enjoyment level much. As far as stories go, this one was nice and well-plotted, but also pretty predictable and not very substantive. However, this one is worth reading for the food descriptions alone. My main impression coming away from this novel was how much I wish I worked in the cheese shop she describes. Cheese is the number one reason I will never commit to a paleo/vegan diet, it is my kryptonite. It sounded so good.

The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin

This book, published in April, made a bit of splash early in the summer and was recommended to me by a few trusted sources as a "book-lover's book." Obviously I love my books, so I was intrigued and put it on hold at my library, finally getting around to it last month. And my opinion is: meh. Yes, it is a sweet little story. Yes, the main character owns a bookstore and makes lots of interesting short story recommendations. But I doubt I will remember this book in a year. It just didn't stick to me.

The Gift of Giving Life by various authors

This one! Thoughts, lots of thoughts about this one! I will write more about this one later (I may even give it it's own book review, I have that many thoughts), but just know that I highly recommend this book to any woman who is pregnant or in the middle of child-bearing years (it is directed to the LDS community, but has great insights for any mother). Five stars for sure.

Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

If you haven't heard of this book, perhaps you've seen the TED talk. I've been hearing about Brown and her books for years now, but only finally got around to reading this one last month. And now I own this book. Lots of thoughts on this one too, but I think I need to read it again (and maybe again) to really let these ideas sink in. Highly recommend.






And now, in the unusual category of Did Not Finish:

The Invention of Wings by Sue Monk Kidd

I loved The Secret Life of Bees when I read it a few years ago, so I was excited when I read some positive reviews of Kidd's latest book. It took forever to get it on the holds list at my library, but then, I didn't love it at all. I mean, the concept of it was good, and I was very interested in the historical details. But her characters were so unbelievable, I couldn't stand their contrived voices. It just didn't feel like quality writing to me, to the point that I just didn't care about finishing it. If you can look past the poor writing, the story itself is an interesting one.

Books I Read in June

At some point in this pregnancy, I expect to get some sort of groove going. Despite my best efforts to eat well and exercise and get (plenty) of sleep, I just feel thwarted. First there was the thyroid issues in my first trimester that made everything just so much more terrible, but gratefully my hormones have settled down and we're mostly past all those problems. Then there was that little hiccup of being anemic (which might explain why the unusual exhaustion is dragging on into the third trimester), but hopefully the recent addition of iron supplements will fix that soon. And I'm just coming to terms with the fact that this little baby doesn't like sugar, and as tragic as that fact is it's probably best for both of us. So now that I'm done with my family reunioning and travels for the summer (thus the blog absence for the past few weeks) and I'm back in control of my diet and sleep schedule, I have real hopes that the rest of this summer will start shaping up in terms of not feeling like a zombie all the time.

Here's to a positive outlook!

Anyway, somewhere in the past month (and by that, I mean sometime in June, even though June ended nine days ago) I finished three books. As pathetic as that might sound for a book blogger, this is a record for me this year (not counting the books I read for school). It's been a rough one on the pleasure reading front, but I'm feeling my old itch again to start scratching these titles off my to-read list, so hopefully the steam only builds from here.

Words of Radiance by Brandon Sanderson

Yay! I actually finished this behemoth. You guys, as much as I love me my Brandon Sanderson, this Stormlight Archive series is not for the faint of heart. You must be a dedicated, hardcore, nerdy fantasy fan. You have been warned.

That being said, wow is Sanderson incredible at crafting a story. It was when I found myself comparing the themes in this book to Crime and Punishment that I really appreciated the complexity Sanderson is creating here. This is straight up great fantasy.

Cress by Marissa Meyer

I finished this one in two days, and it felt so good to allow myself the indulgence of such a fun, light, consuming read. So, I adore this Lunar Chronicle series, and while I don't think Cress is nearly my favorite (definitely suffered from some middle book syndrome dragging) I still enjoyed every minute of it. Such fun fairy-tale retellings.

All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood by Jennifer Senior

I added this to my to-read list after reading Amy's review of this book, and then was pleasantly surprised to find it on the "New Non-Fiction" display at my library the very next week. So I snagged it, and subsequently devoured it. I could probably write a super long post analyzing all the thoughts and feelings I had while reading this book, but for now I'll just say that I highly recommend this book to anyone who is or might become a parent. I found it fascinating. It's not a typical parenting book, as in there is no real advice (do x, y, and z and you'll have happy, healthy, successful children), but it does provide a broad historical background on how parenting as a cultural concept has evolved over the past century or so, and I found that perspective vastly illuminating. This one gave me and my husband a lot to discuss, and I love books like that. Also, I cried all the way through her last chapter about the "joy" side of this parenting business (but that just might be the pregnancy hormones). Good stuff.

Book Review: Bomb

Bomb: The Race to Build-- and Steal-- the World's Most Dangerous Weapon by Steve Sheinkin

Summary (Courtesy of Goodreads): In December of 1938, a chemist in a German laboratory made a shocking discovery: When placed next to radioactive material, a Uranium atom split in two. That simple discovery launched a scientific race that spanned 3 continents. In Great Britain and the United States, Soviet spies worked their way into the scientific community; in Norway, a commando force slipped behind enemy lines to attack German heavy-water manufacturing; and deep in the desert, one brilliant group of scientists was hidden away at a remote site at Los Alamos. This is the story of the plotting, the risk-taking, the deceit, and genius that created the world's most formidable weapon. This is the story of the atomic bomb.

Okay, so I love me some good non-fiction. Especially historical non-fiction. Throw in a little interesting physics, and I'm all over it (I almost minored in physics). But I was a little bit skeptical when I heard this was a YA non-fiction book. I mean, hm. When was the last time I read a really good non-fiction book aimed at teenagers?

But Sheinkin knows what he is doing. He knows how to take historical facts and turn them into a crazy suspenseful, spy-thriller, action-packed story. Honestly, this is the way history needs to be taught in our schools. I personally learned most of my history through novels anyway, (nearly all of my knowledge about the Napoleonic campaigns comes from reading War and Peace), but historical fiction is not always the best way to get your facts right. I would have devoured a book like this in middle school, and I say more of this kind of YA stuff, please!

So, I thought I knew a bit about the development of the atomic bomb before I started this book, but at the Russian spy intrigue? Fascinating stuff! Really, I thought that kind of espionage was only in the movies. Also, who knew Dr. Oppenheimer was such a character? You're quintessential absent-minded genius. All of the characters in this book were fantastic, mostly because Sheinkin really did his homework and was able to drop in little interesting stories and tid-bits that just made these characters come alive. It was so much fun.

Five stars. If you have even an inkling of interest in well written non-fiction, you should definitely read this book. It's fabulous.

Book Review: Code Name Verity

Code Name Verity  by Elizabeth Wein

Excerpt (Courtesy of Goodreads): I have two weeks. You’ll shoot me at the end no matter what I do.

That’s what you do to enemy agents. It’s what we do to enemy agents. But I look at all the dark and twisted roads ahead and cooperation is the easy way out. Possibly the only way out for a girl caught red-handed doing dirty work like mine — and I will do anything, anything, to avoid SS-Hauptsturmführer von Linden interrogating me again.

He has said that I can have as much paper as I need. All I have to do is cough up everything I can remember about the British War Effort. And I’m going to. But the story of how I came to be here starts with my friend Maddie. She is the pilot who flew me into France — an Allied Invasion of Two.

We are a sensational team.
So, there I was in the middle of November, dreadfully behind in my word count and swearing off reading any more books until I finished my own novel. Then I got the flu. And did absolutely nothing but lie on the couch for six whole days while my offspring watched more television in one week than in his entire previous life (when my husband saw that we were on episode 26 of The Magic School Bus, he asked if we had really watched 13 hours of TV that week. I didn't tell him about all the Curious George episodes we mixed in there). Anyway, sleep wasn't always an option because of all the nasty congestion/hacking cough issues, and so of course I had nothing else to do while my body desperately tried to recover than read. And this book happened to have been sitting on my nightstand since early October, so I thought it as good a time as any to check it out.

And, wow.

Yes, it's another WWII book. I am quite sick to death of WWII books (which is why this one sat on my night stand for so long), so for me to say this is a good book means it is a really good book. Now, it's no Book Thief (another book I judged because it is a WWII novel and then got proved oh so wrong), it doesn't have quite that kind of emotional punch to it, but I still cried at the end. This is a completely different kind of story told in a very unique way, and I really, really liked it.

This is one of those books I should not have read while attempting to write my own novel, because it just highlighted how completely inadequate I am at creating awesome characters (this book has awesome female characters) or framing a story in a unique and engaging way (the way this story is told is just so perfect). Basically, I stand in awe of Elizabeth Wein and her creative genius.

Unfortunately, I have to be rather vague about the specifics of the plot, because I don't want to give anything away. Really, this book is so much more fun if you go into not knowing anything, because in the first few pages you're like, "Is this really happening? Should I be cheering for this character, or hating her?" and then by the end, when you figure everything out, it's just all so awesome. So all I can really say is it's about a fictional female British spy and female airplane pilot in WWII, and it's kind of a thriller but also so much more than that.

So I know that's pretty vague, but just trust me on this one. It's worth your time. I mean, doesn't that excerpt up there just totally intrigue you?

So, briefly, what I can say is that I loved the characters. The two main female characters were both awesome. This was not necessarily a book with a feminist agenda or anything like that, but it nailed how to have awesome strong female leads with no real love interest (hints of one, but only tangentially). Both these girls were just real, and I loved them both. Especially Queenie. Except for her foul language, she's exactly the kind of person I envision myself as being, if I were ever to write myself into an awesome female lead action role.

A few warnings: there is some salty language, and there are some disturbing things described (Nazi torture, it's not pretty stuff), but I would still recommend this one to most high schoolers. Also, there are a lot of technical descriptions of planes and stuff. I can see how that might bore some people, but honestly, I thought it just gave the story a lot of credibility.

Book Review: The Scorpio Races

The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater

Summary (Courtesy of Goodreads): It happens at the start of every November: the Scorpio Races. Riders attempt to keep hold of their water horses long enough to make it to the finish line. Some riders live. Others die. At age nineteen, Sean Kendrick is the returning champion. He is a young man of few words, and if he has any fears, he keeps them buried deep, where no one else can see them. Puck Connolly is different. She never meant to ride in the Scorpio Races. But fate hasn’t given her much of a chance. So she enters the competition — the first girl ever to do so. She is in no way prepared for what is going to happen.

So, if any of you have actually been following this closely along, I reviewed Maggie Stiefvater's book The Raven Boys back in June. I'd heard a lot of good things about Stiefvater so I was pretty excited to read the book, but I must say I was largely disappointed in it. The Raven Boys just didn't impress me very much, and I was kind of ready to write Stiefvater off as not my thing. But then, the other week, when I was in need of a new audio book to listen to while mopping my floors (I just can't do housework unless I'm listening to a book), and this was the only half-way decent book in my library's online collection available for immediate download, I decided to give it a shot.

And now, I must take back all those dismissive things I said about Maggie Stiefvater, because even though I didn't like The Raven Boys, The Scorpio Races is a masterpiece. I mean, this was honestly one of the best YA novels I've read this year. I now see why all those people were heaping such praise on Stiefvater, because THIS book deserves all that praise. The characters were just unbelievably well crafted, the plot was tight and the story... well, it was one of the best written stories I've read in a long time. And this was actually the thing that bugged me the most about The Raven Boys. I felt like that book meandered and lost focus and the story just wasn't engaging for me, so it was amazing to see Stiefvater nail it so perfectly in this book. I loved the tight time frame (essentially two weeks leading up to the big race), the way tension built throughout the training period, the suspense of really not knowing who was going to win or which character you wanted to root for (I really was torn, I loved both Sean and Puck so much), the explosive climax of the race itself, and then the absolutely perfect resolution of everything (hallelujah for a good stand-alone novel!). Add to this recipe an incredible setting (fictional island of Thisby), some fantastic mythology come to life (killer water horses), a little romance, and just plain lovely writing, and you get a completely wonderful book.

Highly recommend this one to anybody who likes a good story.

Book Review: The Secret Life of Bees

The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd

Summary (Courtesy of Goodreads): Set in South Carolina in 1964, The Secret Life of Bees tells the story of Lily Owens, whose life has been shaped around the blurred memory of the afternoon her mother was killed. When Lily's fierce-hearted black "stand-in mother," Rosaleen, insults three of the deepest racists in town, Lily decides to spring them both free. They escape to Tiburon, South Carolina--a town that holds the secret to her mother's past. Taken in by an eccentric trio of black beekeeping sisters, Lily is introduced to their mesmerizing world of bees and honey, and the Black Madonna. This is a remarkable novel about divine female power, a story women will share and pass on to their daughters for years to come.

So, I've mentioned before the virtual book club I belong to (seriously, there is NOTHING better than discussing books with intelligent people). For this round we read The Secret Life of Bees. I will confess that this was a re-read for me (well, in all honesty, a re-skim). I read this book years and years ago, but it's a powerful one. There are parts of this book I've never forgotten. It just stays with you.

Even though the 1960's segregated south is the backdrop for this story, and racial tensions play a big roll in the plot, I wouldn't say that racism is necessarily the main theme of this book. Mostly, this is a book about women, and the strength that women find when they come together and form a community. It's a really beautiful little world the women in the this book create, and it gave me a lot to think about because communities of women have been on my mind lately. I read an interesting article (no idea where, I can't track it down now for the life of me) about a woman who attended an all-girl boarding school. She wrote about how it was such a perfect place for her to develop a sense of self and identity, and to develop a voice outside of the competition between sexes. She wrote about how some of the feminist ideology of complete equality between the sexes has led us to a harmful place, and that women are actually benefited and can have more power and more voice when they are allowed to develop in communities of just women. These were very interesting ideas for me, and so I've been thinking a lot about the sphere of women, and the strength that comes when women form strong, supportive communities. Especially in this book, you can see what a wonderful thing it is for both Lily and Rosaleen to escape from the world of (abusive, racist) men and begin healing and flourishing with the help of the three calender sisters.

In today's world, I don't feel like female communities are as strong as they once were. I feel like people in general are much more isolated than they used to be, and I think this is destructive for society in general, and especially for women. I grew up with two sisters, a loving mother, and several very close friends that formed a wonderful community of female support for me, but I didn't appreciate the importance of having a support group of women in my life until I moved half way across the country with my husband and then had a baby. My mom was able to come for the first week, and there were lots of phone calls with my older sister, but I still felt like I faced a lot of motherhood very much alone. Thankfully I did have a secondary support group in my church congregation, because I don't know how I would have made it without the advice, meals, and hand-me-down baby clothes from those women. I wonder all the time about other women who aren't lucky enough to have such a community. How do they do it? Is this why women are so depressed these days?

So yes, I believe in the value of strong female communities. I believe that generations of grandmothers, mothers, daughters, and sisters are meant to be linked together to give support and raise future generations of strong women. I believe in women gathering together to talk, share ideas, and grow intellectually. That's one of the reasons I love my book club so much (strong, intelligent, female women talking about books, what an incredible community!). And I especially believe in the need for strong female support communities in motherhood. Yes, husbands need to be involved, but mothers need other mothers. Period. So this book just contributed a lot of great insight into everything I've been thinking about female communities recently. I really like the community presented in this book and the message that in order to be strong, women need other women.

There is so much other thought-provoking content in this book. My favorite is the character of May, and her empathy towards a world of pain. There is just so much to talk about there, but I'm afraid to give away plot spoilers about what happens to her in the end. There is also plenty to be said about southern culture in general, or the symbolism of the bees and the black Madonna (which tie back to female power), but I don't think I have time right now for a thorough discussion of all of that. What I will say is that this is a beautifully written story with wonderful characters and a lot of good things to think about.

Book Review: The Remains of the Day

The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro

Summary (Courtesy of Goodreads): In 1956, Stevens, a long-serving butler at Darlington Hall, decides to take a motoring trip through the West Country. The six-day excursion becomes a journey into the past of Stevens and England, a past that takes in fascism, two world wars and an unrealised love between the butler and his housekeeper. Ishiguro’s dazzling novel is a sad and humorous love story, a meditation on the condition of modern man, and an elegy for England at a time of acute change.

So, quick tangent before I start here. When we moved I left behind the most awesome book club. I was really sad about this, because, if you haven't noticed yet, I LOVE talking about books. Especially with other intelligent people who think deeply about what they read. So anyway, I had an amazing group of roommates from back in my college days, and we'd been throwing around the idea of doing a long distance book club together. We've all spread across the country, so it's a bit difficult coordinating across all four time zones, but the recent loss of my old book club finally galvanized me. I rounded up the troops and we had our first "meeting" two weeks ago (we use Google hangout, isn't technology amazing?). If you haven't guessed yet, this is the book we chose to read for our first go, and it was so good to discuss this one with someone else. This is a book that needs discussion to be really understood.

So I'll start by saying that this is a slow read. If you're looking for an engaging plot with lots of action, this is not the book for you. Several chapters in and I was still wondering why people liked this book so much, because I was honestly a bit bored. But really, just stick with it, because with a little digging, there is some gold to find in this one. The book is narrated in first person by Stevens, an old-school butler (think Carson, but possibly even more straight-laced than that), and the voice is so spot on it's hard to believe Ishiguro wasn't a butler himself during this era. It took me about half-way through the book before I realized that there was so much more going on behind the words that Stevens was actually saying. When I figured out that whole other layer, the love story and the emotions and everything going on behind the controlled and passionless narration, that's when this book really opened up.

A recurring theme in this book was the concept of "dignity" and what it meant to have dignity. Stevens recounts a story about another legendary butler working for his master in India. One evening, before dinner, this butler discovered a tiger underneath the dining table, borrowed his master's gun, shot and killed the tiger, and served dinner in the usual manner as if nothing had happened. That was Steven's grand idea of dignity: complete control and mastery even in the most surprising and upsetting circumstances.

I've been thinking a lot about this concept of "dignity," especially when my sister (who is part of the book club, because she was one of my awesome roommates back in the day) commented to me about how she could use some more of this "dignity" as a mother. Doesn't that sound like a good goal? Let nothing ruffle you. Just let the toddler tantrums and diarrhea diapers and everything else just roll off, and serve dinner like there was never a tiger under the table. It does feel like a worthy virtue to pursue, doesn't it?

But while Stevens spends so much time extolling this virtue, the very life he leads seem to indicate some kind of emptiness about it. Like somewhere along the line he was so concerned about being dignified that he forgot to be human. He forgot to recognize his own emotions. He forgot to have relationships. Because those things, emotions and relationships, they are messy things. Very, very often, they are undignified things. But they are also essentially human things, and a life without them offers very little else to fill their place.

I stumbled across this post here shortly after our book club discussion, written by a feminist Christian writer whose stuff I really like. In case you don't click on that link (you really should go read her words, not mine), she writes about just this topic of "dignity," and how she has come to learn that God is not found so much in the dignified moments as in the undignified ones. She writes about how it is much easier to find God in the messy moments, the weak moments, the hard and painful moments, the scruff and scrubby and oh so very undignified moments (she has a lot more to say about the topic, you should go read the post). And I think that is true for most things in life, motherhood included. Dignity is nice, but real life happens in the undignified moments. That's what made this book such a tragedy. Here Stevens is, at the end of his career, reflecting on the "dignity" he attained, and wondering just why life feels so empty.

There is so much more I could say about this book, so many other rich topics for discussion and reflection (especially the commentary of British society as a whole-- like the summary above says, this book really is an elegy to the former Great Britain), but this will have to suffice for now. I recommend this to anyone with a solid appreciation for the monolith that is the British butler, and patient enough to wade through the slow pace. You will be richly rewarded.

Book Review: The God Who Weeps

The God Who Weeps: How Mormons Make Sense of Life by Terryl and Fiona Givens*

I have yet to find an adequate summary of this book anywhere online, and I'm not sure if I can come up with an adequate summary myself. The best I can say is that this is a philosophical discussion of large theological issues (the purpose of pain and suffering, the reality of a pre/post earth life, etc.) presented through the lens of Mormon belief. But this is not a book meant for Mormons only. Quoting and responding to the ideas of great thinkers and writers throughout history, this book reaches out to the rest of Christianity, and the world at large, as a powerful explanation of a beautiful view of life.

I'm not sure that I should be reviewing this book right now. I only finished it a few days ago, and I feel like I need to read it over and over again to really let these ideas sink in and respond to them in any kind of coherent way. This slim volume was so densely packed with incredible thoughts expressed in such poetic prose, I don't quite feel like I will do this book justice, but I do feel the need to get some thoughts down.

First off, I should say that there are many small issues that I have with my religion. There are things in our history, our culture, and even our doctrine that I don't fully understand or that don't sit well with me. But what the Givens present in this book is exactly what I love about my religion, and why I believe it. They express here the larger picture of God, and our life here on earth, that Mormon doctrine explains in a way that makes so much sense to me. They explain a loving God who feels pain, a God who has plumbed the depths of sorrow in order that he might empathize with us. This is a God who does not take our pain away because we must know pain to know joy. We must experience sorrow to understand happiness. And we must know these things to become more like our God. It is an absolutely beautiful conception of God, and one that feels right and true deep down in my gut.

Honestly, their explanations of the purpose of pain and sorrow made me feel a little nervous about my own relatively easy life. I will be the first to admit that I have been blessed with many advantages, and have had to face very few hard things. But after reading their beautiful conception of pain as an agent that allows us to understand others more deeply, experience joy more fully, and connect to divinity more completely, I almost wished I had a few more trials in my life. Now, I'm not actually brave enough to seriously ask God for more trials-- I will cling to my life of ease as long as I can have it-- but I hope if I ever do face pain and sorrow I will be able to turn to these words for comfort and edification. They were truly comforting.

The Givens also discuss the Mormon view of other conflicting Christian doctrines like how we celebrate Eve's choice as being one of courage and progress, not sin and digression (I loved their discussion of the central role of agency and choice in this process of life). Or how we reach out to and perform the saving ordinances for our dead to claim all the souls who did not receive the gospel in this life. And of course, central to this whole plan is the idea of relationships and family and learning to love others with the deep love of God. Because that is our conception of heaven-- dwelling with our families in eternal love. Of course, the Givens can say it so much more eloquently than I can, so here are just a few of my favorite quotes:

"The ancient philosopher Plato... thought life was most likely a choice-- even the circumstances of our birth and lot in life. He described a scenario in which spirits were allowed to select their lives from a range of situations and environments. Intuitively, most would choose the easy and attractive path through mortality, but Plato indicates that-- contrary to expectations-- the comfortable, effortless life was, in all likelihood, not the life most wisely chosen. ... Plato's reflections should give us pause and invite both humility and hope. Humility, because if we chose our lot in life, there is every reason to suspect merit, and not disfavor, is behind disadvantaged birth."

"God is not exempt from emotional pain. Exempt? On the contrary, God's pain is as infinite as His love. He weeps because He feels compassion."

"The human capacity to suffer pain at the distress of a loved one is an imperfect shadow of the unfathomable grief a perfect being feels when His creations put themselves beyond His healing embrace."

"Relationships are the core of our existence because they are the core of God's, and we are in His image. God's nature and life are the simple extension of that which is most elemental, and most worthwhile, about our life here on earth. However rapturous or imperfect, fulsome or shattered, our knowledge of love has been, we sense it is the very basis and purpose of our existence."

"Perhaps truly there are religious advantages to doubt. Perhaps only a doubter can appreciate the miracle of life without end. ... And yet, what we have presented is a version of life's meaning that makes sense to us. We find it reasonable, and resonant-- a song that runs deeper than memory."

Okay, there are so many more, but five quotes are enough for now. These probably aren't even the best quotes I could find, these are just the ones that popped out as I flipped back through. Basically the whole book could be highlighted.

This book was not perfect. I'm not sure the thoughts were as organized as they could have been (this is very much a free-flowing essay form), and there were some issues I wish they would have explained more that they only skimmed over (the concept of a Heavenly Mother for one, though that is a bit of a taboo topic). But, it has been a long time since I have read a book that has made me think so much. I was allowed to reexamine my own faith and relationship with Mormon doctrine, and it was certainly a growing experience for me. And a beautiful, inspiring experience. I am so grateful I got to read this book and think these thoughts that were higher than my own.

Five stars, and I highly recommend this book to anyone, Mormon or otherwise, who is interested in examining the large questions of life, God, and religion.

*Note: I've mentioned this before, but for clarification: I am a practicing, believing member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or a Mormon. If you have questions about my beliefs or would like further information, please feel free to contact me.